Triplets

2011-12-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

Well I decided its time to update. My kids keep me so busy =) Ellina has been doing great! she is walking!!!!! she is at the point of walking most times to get places unless she is in a huge hurry, I was so excited when she first started, I really thought she had a few months left to do that. The first time she walked across the room Cody and I both got teary eyed, we were just a awe of our little miracle. She never ceases to amaze us. She jabbers constantly and is finally starting to eat solids more, actually on the road to weaning... I plan on breastfeeding till shes two but am excited not to be exclusively breastfeeding, it started getting exhausting, as she was getting too old and wanted food. She still struggles to open her mouth, seems to take more concentration then for most babies but shes got it down.
On another note, the holidays are always going to be hard for us, knowing that we are missing out on 2 of our precious children. But I did much better this year then last year. I decided that for me 18 months was a good amount of time and I finally feel like I'm healing, I will say I don't believe in moving on, getting over it etc. My girls will always be my girls, but its so nice to think of them fondly without the depression and the anger. If you ever see me know this, talking about my girls doesn't upset me, it makes me happy that someone else is thinking of them. I think of them every day all day long, every time I count my kids, like a role call make sure they are ok, I feel like I'm missing someone.
Gareth, my four year old was counting how many boys and girls we have... he counted 1,2, (Eliza and Ellina) and then 3, 4, pointing up to heaven. I love it. He told me he wanted to see them and see what they looked like, I tried to tell him that they look like Ellina but he said "No, no one is the same, we are all different." He enjoyed the ultrasound pictures I have of them

2011-11-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

A quick update on Ellina Joy! she is doing amazing! she has started to talk, saying mostly her name, when we call her she like to yell "Ellina" back, ofcourse we also found out that we cant get her to say it on cue, She will also say Eliza, (her big sisters name) it sounds simular but there is a difference. Gareth is a mix of brother and Gareth, dont know how that works lol. She wants to walk but her leg being still weaker then the other is messing with her balance, although the control of that leg is so much better then it was we are noticing that her hip on that leg doesnt have the same control. so we are deciding not to worry about it till January and then get way more aggressive with physical therapy but until then we are just letting her do her thing and try and work with her mostly at home

a quick note

2011-10-04T00:45:00.000-07:00

I have given Ellina extra hugs and kisses and want to send a few up to heaven for Emmalin and Ellianna, I miss you my baby girls and will always love you, I believe one day Ill get to snuggle you again and it will all be ok, if I didnt I dont know where I would be.. thankyou for watching out for Ellina for me, I know you did because she want supposed to do as well as she has and is. Loves Mama

2011-09-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my babies are 1 year old from their due date. Its funny the days it hits me, I look at Ellina and I imagine 2 copies of her next to her, playing or crying and trying to get my attention with her......... And then I wonder, what are they like? are they just like Ellina? or like all my other kids are they completely different? would Ellina be different had they made it? you know how when a middle child becomes the oldest they change? would Ellina been the mellow middle baby instead of a feisty fighter? Love you my babies!!!
Ellina amazes me everyday, I thank God more and more for her surviving and allowing me to be able to take care of her, she has just done so well, 25 weekers don't do that well very often at least from all the people I know now that hve also had 25 weekers. I love my little baby and she makes me awe when I look at how far she has come, when she climbs up the stairs and screams at her sister for taking her toy. She has come so far!!!

ellina eating issues

2011-09-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Hi, its hard to know what to write when life is so boring, Ellina is doing great! we do have concerns about her having feeding issues, which is completely normal preemie thing we will see how it goes. I have talked to quite a few other parents and alot of preemies have to be on formula throughout their 2nd year, problem is that Ellina is exclusively breastfed no formula and so I don't know what to do, in one week Ill have been breastfeeding for 2 years straight, and some of those times 2 babies!! I don't LOVE breastfeeding but I don't mind doing what is the very best for my babies. I'm just getting tired of it, come on 2 years ;-/ I also work now and the constant stress of pumping or Oh no I didn't pump I might loose my milk. Is just getting tiring too. I need a little bit of a break. Anyway, Ellina refuses to eat anything off a spoon, she will eat finger foods but is very picky about what! I gave her applesauce and she played in it, but clamped her mouth shut, I put spaghetti on her same plate and she stuffed it in her mouth! I don't get this kid, I don't know what she can eat and what she shouldn't be eating but I think she wants flavor and stuff she cant really eat at times.
Oh andlastly, I pulled a half eaten bug out of her mouth, she fought me and was very mad that I took that great bug from her

2011-08-18T22:06:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share... Ellina Joy is doing so amazing! she is crawling, standing and cruising along the furniture! I saw my home visitor for the child development center and she said that most likely next time they screen her she most likely wont be eligible for the services. which is great thing meaning that she is almost all caught up! I'm extremely happy about this. One of my other worries is her eating solids. Now I think its just a matter of time till she will be eating them no problem I think the biggest problem we have now is she wants stuff with FLAVOR! she loves tasting everything but still gags really easy on stuff but if its baby food she doesn't like to eat it I think just cause she thinks it tastes bad poor baby Ill have to research of what foods she should be able t eat. she loves re fried beans just don't know how well her stomach will handle that

Ellinas MRI

2011-07-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well I have alot to tell you, yesterday Ellina had an MRI on her brain and on both her legs, we went straight to the neurologist after the MRI and got the results on her brain, we are still waiting for the results on her legs. As much as I want to tell you right away about her results I am going to start from the beginning.
As I was driving over the 3 hour drive to Spokane I really started to worry, its been awhile since Ellina has had any anesthesia and I just was worried at how she would do, my mom was worrying saying I shouldn't do it, she doesn't need it etc and I stood my ground, we decided to do it a long time ago, lets just get it over with. And then I'm driving and getting more and more worried.
Well I got there and they let me stay with her almost the whole time, poor baby was so hungry and I couldn't feed her and of course all the prep stuff takes forever, we got there at 9:30 and they didn't have her all ready to start the MRI till 11:15! One thing that was so nice is when they started an IV the nurse didn't have a hard time about finding a vein at all, I was so happy cause Ive have incidents where it takes them 1 1/2 hours to find a vein. Goes to show the benefits of a children's hospital. When the anesthesiologist came in her answered any questions I had, one, they didnt have to put in a breathing tube! so realived! and this stuff that they used wasnt obsourbed by the body but was broken down and out of her system before she even woke up. She fell asleep pretty fast then I was asked to wait about 1 hour till they were done. at about 1 1/2 hours I kinda went into my paronoid place and had to ask the nurse to check that she was ok, she gets on the phone and waiting way too long to tell me she was fine, I think I held my breath, and unfortionatly heard some of those terrible lines in my head (you know the ones where something went terribly wrong) I hate how Ive become that way, but I know what it feels like to be told that, I dont think it will ever leave me. Anyway she did go into recovery and I went in and held her, she started out doing what she always does and flopping around not knowing what to do, then almost right away I gave her a pacifier and she fell asleep. I sat there and dozed myself while rockeing her, whne she woke up she was almost completely normal, she ate and was talking anad trying to sit up. Her body was still a little weak but otherwis normal. So nice compared to the nightmares of coming out of anesthsia in the past.
Then we went to the anesthiaolagist. So here are the things to think about, when babies have twin to twin transfusion, the blood that flows from their body at times goes to another baby, So when we lost the girls thier blood was going to Ellina, this time there was no oxygen in their blood, it is a big worry of causing brain damage, then Ellina also had hydrops inutero (we think she looked like she did after birth) that is the fluid under the skin and also in the brain, and then being born at 25 weeks, brain injuries are pretty normal from being born too early. So here Ellina has all this against her. For her? well yesterday I saw a meaning of a name and it showed me something different, Ellina has 2 sisters in heaven watching over her, they had a purpose to ebing here and I believe felt no pain in passing, just told Ellina they would always watch her and went away peacefully.
I found a meaning to Emmalin's name and decided to go with it, (you know how alot of baby name books have different meanings) but in this one said, "Emma" means "one who heals" "Lyn" means "water fall" and middle name is "Mercy". "Ellianna" means "God has answered" and middle name is "Hope", "Ellina" means "Bright or light" and middle name Joy.
So I don't know if you got it already but here is what I think. I think having "one who heals" in utero with Ellina is what she had going for her and YES her brain had almost no damage, no brain bleeds, no injuries, just a little bit enlarged in the middle from being early, but that isn't cause any of the issues that they would worry it could. That hit me later then maybe Emmalin and Ellianna healed and helped Ellina after passing, maybe that oxygenated blood helped her to be able the breathe and kept her brain from bleeding etc.
And to get back to the name meaning Emmalin, One who heals with waterfalls of Mercy, and Ellianna, God has answered to have Hope, and Ellina, Our Light of Joy.
I have made a decision, I found that this last year when someone asked me how I was doing felt guilty if I said I was doing good, I felt like that was me saying I'm not sad even though I lost 2 of my children. I decided this, I am choosing to be ok, I wont ever stop missing my girls, I wont ever stop acknowledging their existence. They are just as alive as my other kids just in heaven alive (maybe more alive?) But I am choosing to be positive, I am choosing to say I am good, its ok to be good and happy and still miss my babies.

2011-07-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

So my continuation, I realized I didnt post about my Ellina, who through everything makes me smile, and makes me see how blessed I am on top of everything else. She is a HUGE blessing and I am truly thankful, This past week she started to Crawl! its so amazing, she can roll from her stomach to back but not very well but if she is on her belly she can get ot a sit up position and go back to crawling! it just really amazing how well she is doing, she has an MRI on Wednesday, but really no concerns right now, she wont eat any solids but not quite old enough to make a fuss about it, just something to work on.

2011-07-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

ok so, in the past month I have had a really hard time, I was cynical, depressed, and angry, I think it started with my girls birthday and went off the edge with baby Deidrich (baby that was next to my survivor) dying at 16 months. finally in the last few days I felt my spirits coming back up, and slowly coming out of it I feel good now, thankfully right in time to be able to enjoy my little sister's bridal shower! =)
But there were alot of angry questions and thoughts that I would like to talk about without as much of the anger with it. I made alot of discoveries about myself and my thoughts toward God. please feel free to comment any insight you might have for me on this as any is much needed.
I really question God, I want to trust Him and believe that when I pray for something I can can find some peace. When I first found out my girls were sick I was able to pray for my babies and ask for Gods will, I was ok with believing that His plan could be anything and He would help me through anything. When I went for surgery I realized that I couldnt pray, I realized I couldnt ask Gods will about my children's lives, all I could do is ask was let me hold my babies!!!!
Looking back I realize I am more having a hard time trusting God because not because my girls died, I feel like it happens, God didnt DO it, He allowed it because crappy things happen to everyone. But I begged Him to let my husband be there with me when I delivered our girls and Cody came back almost 24 hours later, we are both so messed up because he wasnt there, didnt get to see our angels and most of my family saw Ellina before he did. I dont know why God coudlnt have just made it so Ellina would have been ok inside one more day.
Talking to someone yesterday about God working in things that are hard, it was weird cause I was saying all the things I know people believe to be true. God will work things out, keep praying about it, you have to trust Him that he brought "that person" in your life for a reason, etc. But it was just weird because I know the lines, just dont know if I believe them. I want to so bad!

first year

2011-06-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well we had a few smaller first year anniversaries but today is a big one. Today last year I was told that two of my babies had gone to heaven. I had to call my husband because he was gone in training and tell him, and then had to tell the doctors firmly "YES!!! you must try and save my survivor!" It still kills me looking back how many times I was told I should think about it because there was such a low chance that she would be ok. And I know she beat alot of odds and I will never belittle that fact. Looking back over the last year I have to say I don't think the grief part has gotten any easier, its kinda like a decease it has flares. Some days are completely normal and others it consumes us. Over the last week I have had some incidents that have really hurt me. I think because I am nearing their one year birthday I am alot more sensitive and I talk about it more, therefore getting hurtful responses. Thankfully its mostly from strangers or barely acquaintances. and just to say this to all of you reading this, I almost feel bad venting on here for fear that all of you are looking back worrying that you said something wrong.. Don't you are fine, I love all of you guys and I don't want you to worry, all of you that are my friends as long as you have never tried to belittle my pain or tell me I'm better off or should just be thankful (which I totally and extremely thankful for my Ellina) you haven't said anything wrong, I love you guys and are so thankful that you have been there for me.

Anyway I have a few updates on Ellina, She is doing great, has been off oxygen for about a month, and is in physical thereapy and speech therapy and is helping her motor skills tremendously. She can roll from her back to stomach although she rarely does without crying in frustration, she can sit on her own, falling over once in a while but still cant get herself to the sitting up position although she is working on it. The speach therapy was just started and we are still pretty early to draw many conclusions, so far we cant get her to put her tongue out which may mean she is tongue tied and her top lip is short which is kinda a form of tied just on her lip instead of tongue, but we will see, the lip thing isn't a surgical fix just stretching it and stuff.

She also has an MRI the end of this month, not really looking forward to it but I'm not too worried the results either, I want her to have one so we know what brain injuries she has not to find out that she has them, I think most 25 weekers and TTTS babies will have some. She for sure had oxygenated blood going into her brain so there has to be some injuries from that. So other then that Ellina has been somewhat uneventful, shes a great baby, as long as she is being held or talked to, her siblings think the is the best, they sometime 'smother her with love =) I have to keep a close eye. ha ha

On the girls first birthday we are going to do and birthday party/ baby shower/ memorial service for the girls, we are glad we are finally able to get something together for them ince this last year we have been running constantly. If anyone would like to attend or send card or gift I will be registered at target and walmart and the event info is on Facebook you can email me too for address info

2011-04-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the couch today watching TV, with the kids and husband, its times like that when my baby is content on my lap that it'll hit me. I turned to say something to Cody and ended up bursting into tears instead. To me I know my girls, they are in heaven growing just like Ellina, only I missing out on it all. I know they are happy and in good hands I just wish I could be part of it. The things that keep hitting me now are questions, Eliza is 19 months and is really loving talking to and "helping" with Ellina, I have to wonder if she would have been able to tell the girls apart. Would she have just been confused? And Gareth, he would have understood that there are three of them but would he have been able to know who was who? I don't know, I find myself having days that I obsess about everyone else's babies, I have a few triplet mom friends and I sometimes look at their pictures and cry, and then I almost feel like a bad person trying to get an idea of what I am missing by using someone else. I obsess over pregnant women, even though I don't think pregnancy is a good idea for us right now, it doesn't change how much my mind says being pregnant would help me heal. I don't really think it would but knowing that doesn't seem to help.
I look at Ellina and she is such a great baby, such a miracle. She was born at 25 weeks, behind in growth, and yet she breathed on her own and never got sick and just did amazing. That shouldn't even be possible, my theory was God knew I couldn't take any more. But then I see these families that took more and more and then I just feel, I don't know, afraid to mention how blessed I was that Ellina has done so well? I pray endlessly for my fellow TTTS moms, mainly that God will help them through this because I know its very difficult.
To my girls Emmalin and Ellianna, You family misses you and will always love you.

2011-04-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

Hi, So I guess I'm just crazy busy all the time, The lat month was well insane. My daughter Eliza, is 18 months and got RSV, here Ive been so worried about Ellina getting it so I kept her home most of the time, and Eliza gets it, so when I took her to the doctor they wanted to admit her into the hospital, do breathing treatments etc. it was supposed to be overnight assuming she would be on the mend pretty fast. Well he just kept getting worse, as glad as I was that she was in the hospital through all this it was terrible, I couldn't bring Ellina into the hospital room and so I had to go out to breastfeed her, problem was we couldn't leave Eliza or Ellina alone, so we needed a third person with one of them as we switched, it was fine until one morning all the nurses were busy, they said sorry we don't have anyone to sit with her so you cant leave. Thankfully they finally found someone but not before I started to freak out that either my baby was gonna stave or I was gonna be turned in for leaving my 18 month old daughter unattended. And then their was the challenge at night. the first night I thought it was a given, I had to be home with Ellina so Cody had to stay with Eliza. Well all night long I didn't sleep at all, when I had left Eliza was struggling so hard to breathe and nothing was helping, I have already been told that sorry your babies didn't make it and I just kept thinking it was going to happen again. I kept calling Cody and when he didn't answer, (yes at 2 or so in the morning, why was he sleeping???) so here I was at home feeling helpless. And no sleep for me. So after that I just stayed with Eliza and got up in the middle of the night and went to Ellina, it was awful but it worked. The day Eliza got sent home, Ellina started having trouble, the next day she too went to the hospital, but only over night, we decided that the synagis shot to help prevent RSV, must have helped because she had to be on higher oxygen but other then that no fevers or anything, so we went home the next day...

But now, Three weeks later we all seem much better and I think its safe to say..... Ellina is done with oxygen!!!! yes it feels very weird carrying her around without an attachment but she is doing great, at home I have her monitored and I don't stress it so much when we go places because she is doing so well. So I'm really hoping that she doesn't catch anything and have to go back on.

Anyway, I took Ellina to Physical therapy yesterday, she did an assessment and thinks that the reason Ellina cant roll is because of her smaller leg, she kicks it like crazy but tires easily. So I was given a few exercised to do with her ore then once a day and she said I don't need to see her more then once a month. normally someone would be relived to hear that but for me I was disappointed I finally told her, actually I need help, I am too busy to stay on top of this every day and I just need a little help. So she agreed to work with her once a week. She thinks Ellina is doing actually very well, she is ahead in some things but has what they call gaps, because she can do some things but not the things in between. but we are hoping very soon she will figure out, given the things I was given to help her along

2011-04-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

The Boys really love their cousins!!!

Sometimes a little too much!!!! But they tolerate it really well!!!

2011-03-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

So day before yesterday we took Ellina to see a neurologist. I had asked for a referral about a month ago for more then one reason, Ellinas leg and foot that is way smaller then the other one was one reason and the fact that she is 5 1/2 months and still not rolling over, or showing much progress. When I brought her in I was allot less worried, she still doesn't roll but is getting the fine motor skills down well, she grabs at stuff shakes her toys, jabbers and at least tries to do the things that she is supposed to be doing.
The neurologist visit was very informative. I hope this doesn't sound offensive to anyone but I thought it was really neat that the doctor was deaf, she asked us to look at her while talking because she lip read. To me that is just amazing that even without being able to hear she could be a brilliant doctor.. Good for her! But anyway, she said that we not only have to adjust Ellinas age to her due date making her 5 month now, but we also need to realize that every hospital stay is a setback, being in the NICU 3 months, and then back for a week with pneumonia, and then back for 2 surgeries, (heart and eye). So putting those set backs in consideration she is actually not behind but doing amazing, she has great head strength and is just working away on the other stuff, although we agree that physical therapy is still a great option for her since it never hurts to help them learn stuff we do think she is ok. Also she does want to do an MRI to check for brain injuries from TTTS and being early, but wait till she is a year so that she can handle anesthesia a little better, I plan on playing that by ear.
Big relief there, my Ellina is just doing amazing, she coos and laughs and is just so beautiful.
Cody and I are doing ok, we still have quite a few bad days, I am friends with alot of other TTTS moms and sometimes its gets really hard, I don't know what I would do without them but I am exposed to more and more loss, it just kills me how many babies are taken by this terrible decease. So for my friend and family when you think of me please say a prayer for all the families that have lost and those who are still fighting for their babies.

2011-02-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

I emailed her back and this is what she said:

I will talk to Dr. Walker & Paek and see if they have any insights. We are all very sorry for your loss and to know that you are struggling with the lack of answers. Perhaps there were deeper connections we couldn’t see that were to blame? Perhaps there was something else going on? It’s so hard to retrospectively piece the puzzle, especially when we didn’t do the ultrasounds.

I feel much better now, had a little time to cool off too and think. I know TTTS took my girls I also know that from the start my placenta wasn't healthy maybe caused by TTTS..? The girls cords were inserted wrong and were obviously still connected had they not been Ellina would not have been in so much trouble after their passing. I will always miss my girls and I will always search for answers, not necessarily because I should but because that is just me, how I am.
Emmalin and Ellianna, Mama misses you and will always love you. YES I have 5 kids I have a set of triplets and always will

patholagy report

2011-02-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

I finally emailed the office that did my surgery to see if they could give me the report on their study of my placeta, I always just assumed there were connections that were missed, this is the email I got in reply:

Hi Mishael,

I have a copy of your pathology report and would be happy to mail it to you. The main reason we ask for placentas is to see if there are open connections, via air injection and see if there are any open connections—which in your case would demonstrate where the issue was that contributed to the reversed TTTS. However, no open connections were found. Triplet A was found to have 30% of the placenta, Triplet B 40% and Triplet C 30%. No obvious reason by inspecting the placenta why things worked out the way they did. If you want a copy of the report—just let me know where to mail it to…

I feel sick, I feel that I need answers ASAP, I wish I hadnt been so out of it and had them do autopsies. If the surgery did its job and my girls still had TTTS issues is there something they or at least I dont know about TTTS? Im feeling lost

Ellina

2011-02-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

Just also wanted to say about Ellina, She is doing very well, still not rolling over so still behind but kicking those legs like crazy and pulling her pacifier out so she can look and talk to it=), or just so that she can cry so i will come and pay attention to her. She is definitely a fussy baby, but its ok I'm adjusting and so is she, we will probably be starting physical therapy for her within a couple weeks so hopefully she can get more strength in her shoulders and of course her little leg. She is probably gonna need oxygen for quite awhile still but its cool at least I know she is getting nice clean air all the time. other then that she is amazing, and love her more and more every day.
My son Gareth was in the store for me today and grabbed so bigger sized clothes saying that weren't they cute? i said yes but who are they for? he replied Emmalin, It breaks my heart but also warms it that my four year old wants so bad to include his sister that he never met in our family

2011-02-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

What a day! To start with I finally got Cody talked into going to the doctor to see if he can get something antidepressants or something. He has just really been struggling with everything and I honestly feel like he is just depressed, the kids drive him crazy when they talk and he sleeps allot. I kept asking him if he wanted me to go with him and he said no, so with the risk that he would go to the doctor and say I'm fine, I well agreed to let him go by himself, come on I would have had to find a babysitter for the little girls and get up super early to go to town with him. So anyway Cody called me after his apt and says that the doctor gave him a 2 weeks perspiration and wants to see him right after that to see how hes doing but really feels that Cody should go to counselling and because it wasn't coming from me Cody agreed with him! Its funny that I'm exited but honestly I love my husband so much and I cant handle him being this way we are both such a mess but have such a different way of dealing with it. I tend to spend way to much time on the computer talking to other TTTS moms.

Anyway I just got off the phone and the phone rings.... Ok I guess I have to tell you a little more first to explain. back in June we decided to have our baby angels cremated because we couldn't get a funeral together we couldn't get anything together it took me forever to call the funeral home and tell them and thankfully they set a time for us to sign papers or we would have taken way longer, this isn't something I thought I would do and it makes me feel like such a terrible parent for not getting right on it and taking care of all my babies but I do honestly believe that they are in heaven and so their bodies are just that, bodies. So they told us it would be a little over a week before we could pick up their ashes. when the time came that we knew that they were ready for us we couldn't bring ourselves to go back to the funeral home. Ellina was still in the NICU and we were really consumed by her. Then when we got home I planned on picking them up when I went down to Missoula for appointments. It just didnt happen (again I feel terrible) come on its been 7 months! that's just excessive. So the other night I decided I would e-mail them and have the girls ashes sent to me. when it is late I am emotional and seem to be able to know exactly what to do, if I think Ill do it in the morning it doesn't always happen. Well Ive been waiting for a reply and not getting any. So today, I get this phone call, its the funeral home he said he just saw my e-mail and says I'm holding the urn right now. I had to stop for a second because I picture my little babies. He said no problem that I had waited and he would have it mailed right away. I got off the phone and well I just miss my girls I'm glad I will finally have their urn with me and now I need to find a nice urn for them and eventually have them buried at the cemetery.

We decided to do a small memorial service for them along with a baby shower for Ellina, we wanted to have both right away but Ellina wasn't able to be going out allot for quite awhile and now she will do fine if anyone would like to get her anything I am registered a little at both Walmart and Target

2011-01-17T16:52:00.000-08:00

So we are home now and Ellina is doing great, she did really well with the surgery, came out of anesthesia ok it took about 5 hours till she was ok enough h to eat, poor baby she was all out of it but couldn't suck and hadn't eaten since 5 that morning, her surgery was at 9 am. Anyway we see the eye doc on Mon, as far as he could tell it went really well I'm thinking we will know for sure how she did with it when we see him again. It was nice seeing the NICU doctor again, she is the same doctor that had Ellina when we had to go stay in the Kalispell after we left Missoula and Ellina got sick again, she is a great doctor, but she worries so much, last time we were there it was just so hard for me to be back in the hospital after going home. This time it was great we were only there for one night but I could let her know all my worries, Why is she still on oxygen? What if she has brain damage that we don't know about? Anyway we did a chest x-ray and although her lungs look way better there are signs that she will still need a tiny bit of extra oxygen. So I feel much better with that. WE also did a brain ultrasound and it looked very good, I still am going to get a referral to a neurologist and see about getting an MRI to find out if there is something that didn't show up on an ultrasound.
Other then that we are doing pretty good, It was really hard on Cody when I told him that Ellina needed surgery I think we are both sick and tired of worrying about the our survive, I tend to obsess so much more then I did with my other kids.
I still miss my babies like crazy, sometimes nothing seems right, we are getting close to about a year when we found out we were having triplets and although I thought that the chance of them all surviving wasn't that high but at the same time I didn't really believe it, from that point on I planned that next year I would be crazy busy with three babies, my daughter Ellina is so adorable and I just know my girls are in heaven charming everyone up there with their smiles and cooing and talking their own language

2011-01-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here in the hospital waiting for Ellina to get out of surgery, yes its crazy and last minute but... I'll start from the beginning. Last week Ellinas eye doctor's office called me and said that even though he said he wanted her back in six months he realized that he shouldn't wait that long due to the fact that she was just so little when she was born. So they set up an apt for next month. Then this last Monday they called me and asked if there was any way I could come down, I said no is something wrong? no but the doctor would really like to see her asap, maybe Wednesday? I said ok and on Wednesday morning it was snowing like crazy, everyone is staying off the roads so i called and rescheduled, I'm not worried the nurse said everything was fine. Not long later i get a phone call this time from the Doctor, he asked if there is any way I cold brave the roads and come down. Explaining that there was a small undeveloped spot on Ellina's eye that he had thought was no problem, then had been rethinking so he did some research and came to the conclusion that until that resolved she needed to be followed every 4 weeks. And it had been about 4 weeks creeping on 5 weeks, he just didn't want to wait any longer. So i told him I would try and ended up braving the roads the next day, yesterday. the eye exam was pretty normal, except it seemed to take him a little longer, like he needed to take a second and third look at on e spot. When he finished he sat explained that he was ready to go ahead with laser. Mainly the one eye needs it because of the one undeveloped place was still the same and she has PLUS decease here's and definition of plus disease: PLUS disease is a complication of retinopathy of prematurity. In PLUS disease abnormal blood flow to the retina causes the blood vessels on the retina to enlarge and become twisted. PLUS disease is a sign that the ROP is worsening and may require treatment. .... So he decided to treat her and right away so they put her in the NICU (I know just a little old for that but her NICU doctor wanted to see her) last night just to get a baseline on her vitals etc and the had the surgery this morning, which the Doctor just stopped in and said it is done and looks like everything went well. they should let me go in in a few minutes so I have to get going but I hope that explained a little better.

2011-01-10T15:52:00.000-08:00

I keep trying to write then get distracted or lost on what to say. I think I'm gonna keep going right now. We are getting super close to a year from when I found out I was pregnant. It crazy how this last year has played out and how my moods go up and down. I find its hard to watch anything super emotional, doesn't matter how fiction it is I still seem to cry allot more during my favorite shows. My husband and I ended up discussing my surgery last time we watched something together, and both ended up in tears, it was so traumatizing for us going through that and being separated. Now whenever we discuss him going anywhere for a period of time we both get kinda freaked out. Well we may have to figure out something because work is scarce around here and income is a must.
Ellina's eye doctor's office called me and he want to see her one more time before passing her to the other doc that sees kids. Ive decided he misses her=) They keep insisting nothings wrong he just read some article and want to be on the safe side with her.
Ellina is still doing ok, I'm a worry wort with her and my newest worry, Why does she still need extra oxygen? She does ok without for a few hours and then all the sudden her sats go down. I think I'm going to be discussing with her doctor about looking into that a little deeper.
She also got her first bad ear infection, poor baby cried for hours until I gave her Tylenol for the night and took her in the next day. She was on antibiotics for 10 days and now that shes done I'm wondering if its coming back. She seems just a little more fussy then normal... And as babies go I think she is already pretty fussy. Its ok, its just making up for the fact that she is my first fussy baby out of 5 kids... Someone said they read that twin less twins, (although Ellina is a tripletless triplet) grieve over their siblings and therefore cry allot more. I wonder sometimes. I love to think when she smiles at the wall that her angel sisters are down visiting with her. I guess I don't care about the theology behind that. Anyway, our lives go on here. I have a birthday party to plan for my Gareth, he's gonna be 4 years old! wow my oldest little on is getting way too big!

Poem

2010-12-24T23:03:00.000-08:00

Twin Angels

Written by unknown
Saturday, 13 February 2010 18:58
Last night two little angels Came and whispered in my ear. And this is what they told me “Don’t worry Mummy, we’re right here. It feels like a long time Since we last felt your touch. And we wanted you to know We miss you and Daddy very much. We know that you love us And think of us every day. And it makes us very sad that we had to go away. But we know that our memory will never ever die. And we know that sometimes When you think of us you cry. But don’t worry Mummy There's so much here to do. And every day remember We are watching over you.” Then my angels kissed me As tears rolled down my face. And I knew we’ll all be together again Another time. Another place.

2010-12-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

today was a good day, we finally started bringing Ellina to church as we have gotten so sick this fall and Ellina's handled just fine so although I try and be aware of germs in stores etc I'm not s worried about her catching every bug. So anyway we went to church today, it is something I have to get back into the swing of and I think being there is one of the hardest places for me to go. When we have children and it seems we moms make plans on about everything from the very beginning, one of mine was how to sit in church with 3 babies and a 1 year old and still get something from it. Every time I sit, undisturbed it hits me just one of those dreams shattered. I had some unshed tears at church today. (I really don't cry anymore, still feel like I'm out of real tears). But back to the good part, I keep asking why we are doing Christmas this year, its stressful its drama and why oh why do we have to do holidays?? Today our pastor preached a good sermon about Jesus' birth and then we sang a bunch of Christmas songs and for the first time in this season, I felt it. That feeling of Christmas spirit, I love to sing and I love the story of baby Jesus. It was good for me and not something I plan on forgetting any time soon so merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus!

2010-12-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well I have to start with big news about Ellina, we saw her eye doctor yesterday and when I am used to seeing him every 1 to 2 weeks he announces to schedule her next appointment in 6 months! Her eye are finally all developed YEY!!!!! I'm not sure what I will do with myself now that I don't have to make a trip to Kalispell every week but I'm sure I'll figure out something=). On Tue we had an appointment with Ellinas orthopedic doctor to check her foot, just to remind you last apt she thought Ellina had a slight club foot and was anticipating casting it this apt. I was really not to keen on the idea because that same leg is so much smaller then the other and I worried about messing more with the muscle. When we got there she said the her foot looked much better and didn't feel that a cast was necessary at all just to keep up with the range of motion like I have been. Although her leg is very different in size I guess all we can do is watch it closely. So two good appointments I'm tired now and have alot of cleaning to do now that we are home.

2010-12-10T01:08:00.000-08:00

2010-12-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

Here I am, trying to avoid the blog during depression so I don't drag everyone down. I'm doing much better now, I have my days but over all for now I'm ok,
Ellina is doing amazing, she weighed 11lbs 3oz yesterday and is 21 inches long, she is in the 50th percentile for her weight!!! yey we were told that she wouldn't likely be over the tenth! She is pretty much off oxygen although it seem that ever o2 sat monitor I get acts up on me and with her high risk of SIDS I don't take her off oxygen too long without it. she is doing great though eating well, gaining well and smiling all the time, when she smiles her whole body moves its so cute and cooing mainly her and her daddy have lots of conversations. Her eyes are still being watched but improving every time, I'm not really worried about them at this point. If we do end up needing a laser surgery Ill deal. She was seen for her heart last week and her the surgery did its job well. But now without all the turbulence, (is what they call all the back flow her tight valve was causing) they now can see a hole in her heart, its not urgent but the doctor is anticipating it needing surgery when she is around 2 or 3 years. Again I'm not thinking about it too hard.
It was weird this last echo cardiogram we had done was in the same place that I went for Emmalin's echo and was the last time I saw all 3 girls alive. It was the first time Ive been back there and it wasn't terrible I tried not to over think it. OF course I did, but I made it through. I just miss them so much. I am so glad and happy for those who have multiples and every things fine. But I am still jealous. My heart will forever be broken but I hope and pray that one day I can say I'm ok and life is good. I hope it doesn't take forever

Ellina is the sweetest thing!!!

2010-11-29T19:20:00.000-08:00

My son was really happy to be able to hold her and calm her down. She fell asleep on him!

2010-11-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

So its been awhile since Ive updated, been busy, and not a ton has happened with Ellina, she does pretty good, her oxygen needs go up and down but mainly down. So hopefully soon she will be off of it. We keep getting colds, its just that time of the year and we are very blessed that even though Ellina gets colds she still is breathing and eating well. And gaining weight so well we don't have to go in for weekly weight checks now every 2 weeks=) and she weighed 9lbs 8 oz last week. Her eyes are developing very well, I was looking at the pictures of development on her eyes today and they have slowly but surely come a long way. Almost but not quite developed.
We are mostly doing ok, Ive really been fighting, (and yes I really fight) depression. Ive had some days that I cant seem to get myself up to get anything done. Then most other days I do ok, it just keeps hitting me. I just miss my babies so much. I feel like I made plans and my life was shattered with those plans, all I have to do is look at ultrasound pictures and I start to get teary eyed. I don't know When I find myself having a hard time with having 3 kids I think for a second that maybe having 5 right now would have been harder, but then I realize my heart wouldn't be broken and I realize I could have done it and I feel robbed of the multiple experience and the challenge. I avoid talking about it cause I mainly feel like everything I have to say is just me feeling sorry for myself I honestly don't want to be that way, it isn't me. I just wish I could get rid of the pain but at the same I don't want to ignore the fact that I have 2 other children, little girls that I would love so much to watch grow up, and to take care of. Its hard to think of them in heaven because we always think of people in heaven talking but my girls are just babies, no talking are they more mature because they arent on earth?
Well thats my random rant for the day Im hoping to figure out something to better this depression problem and hopefully have some better reading for everyone

triplets

2010-11-08T08:32:00.001-08:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

2010-10-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

Hi, so Ellina is doing much better, shes been off Tylenol and acting normally, I even have her off oxygen allot, I think she is going to be off if it as soon as she is all recovered. Also Ellina had one of her many doc apts today and; she weight 8lbs 10oz, and 20 inches long, she is up in the 25th percentile when the nicu doctor predicted the 10th for the first part or whole life! also we decided to take her off the fortified breast milk on Tue when I saw her and she still gained weight so we are going to stop that and just monitor weight still. fun fun. The only thing left to worry about at the moment is Ellinas toe. You may remember when she was born that her left leg turned while from the line put in her umbilical cord right after birth, they ended up having to pull it because it would allow circulation to that leg. Well in the surgery they put a line in an artery above that leg and the same thing happened, when she came out of recovery it was much better the it started out but at the end of the day she was left with a very purple toe. Although it look a little better it is still very purple. We finally talked to some specialists and they are quite confident that eventually the blood will flow around and get to the end of the toe it just might take awhile, of course the poor baby it hurts her, I'm kinda assuming its like frostbite because we know that hurts right. Ive been doing pretty good lately, not so many bad days so that's good, I think Cody's been having a harder time, I think he blames himself sometimes because he was gone, its hard for me because we both deal with so many "what ifs?" And one being if he had been there I may have been able to take it easier then I did. also I know Cody feel like he doesn't have the same right to miss the girls as I do. its not that he doesn't care but just struggles with that he wasn't here. I try and remind him that I talked to him every day on the phone and they heard him plus when I went to see him he had a nice conversation with all three babies. Also I discovered that Cody doesn't like talking about his feelings, for me if someone asked me if I'm upset about something its like a realise to say yes that is it. but for him he is like of course it upsets me why'd you bring it up? Anyway Cody could use prayers, and so could I=) Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling

Ellinas surgery

2010-10-23T14:15:00.001-07:00

So Ellina had her surgery yesterday, It was so hard for me to hand her over, They went on through both her thighs that went up to her heart. it took 1 1/2 hours for the surgery it self. He said the valve was so tight he was surprised that any blood was going through at all. and using a balloon they were able to stretch it out and consider it a success. So that is great. We spent last night in the hospital to watch and make sure she did OK in hopes of leaving today. Well she was up all night long, in pain, It was so hard to watch my little baby in pain and she really wasn't eating normally, they said that its not normal at all with this surgery, we decided that be cause she was intebated during surgery that maybe the back of her throat was scratched and that's why she isn't eating well. today she continued not to eat well so we are staying another night. so pray that she start eating and acting like herself again. This has been very hard for me. The last time I was over in this area was for my laser surgery. It really has made me miss my babies. Then having to worry about something happening to Ellina killed me. It doesn't help when I know the pain of loss already I just go through the what will I do if something happens?

Surgery

2010-10-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

I don't have alot of info about the specifics but Mishael said surgery went good, Ellina is doing well and is in the room with her. Yay!!

2010-10-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

Ellinas surgery is finally scheduled, for Fri the 22nd of this month. I'm kinda out of it all the sudden, I'm gonna have to work on this trust thing again. I need Ellina to be okay, I need this surgery to do its job and for her to be okay.
Ive been having some more bad days lately, I keep thinking I'm so tired of being sad, I just wish this pain would leave. I'm working on having a grave stone designed and Decided to bury the girls at the Libby cemetery. So we will be having a ceremony very soon. Oh man its been months and I can actually say that I have allot going on and its not at all untrue.
Ellina has been doing great she seems less sick and gets up to eat but not a ton of crying like she was, I love my kids so much all five of them

And if I go while you're still here

2010-10-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

And If I Go While You're Still Here
By Emily Dickinson

And if I go, while you’re still here…
Know that I live on,
Vibrating to a different measure
Behind a thin veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,
So you must have faith.
i wait for the time when
We can soar together again,
Both aware of each other.

Until then, live your life to the fullest
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
… I will be there.

2010-10-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

This was at the hospital right befor e we went home. Ellina loves to sleep next to me

this too is in the hospital I promise to put on some more recent one soon

Changing a diaper....

2010-09-30T22:33:00.000-07:00

So normal.....
This is when Ellina got moved into Mishael's room at the hospital.

2010-09-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ellina had her eye apt today, and it was good news her eyes had a little bit of improvement, they aren't developed yet and when I asked when he thought they would be, he said that hers are developing slower then most babies but since they are going in the right direction he is happy. So it was good to get a little good news.
Today was the triplets due date, for some reason I thought it was going to be a harder day, honestly I have roller coaster feelings and today was like ever other day, it just depends on the time. I told someone that Ellina was full term and she said" you could be in labor right now, but you probably wouldn't like that." She didn't know about the triplets and I let it go. But I just keep thinking, what I did when I started having problems, Why would God I've me 3 babies at once just to take 2? So the question now is, would I be better off if I was just having one baby? I would probably still be pregnant right now and not feel this void, Id be all happy with just 3 kids and not know I'm supposed to be raising 5. weird does that make any sense? I'm thankful that God gave me my girls, all of them I really only wish I could raise them all. When Ellina keeps me up at night I just find myself wishing I could have the challenge of no sleep because there are 3 babies instead of just one I would totally take the no sleep, running around going from 2 kids to 5 Id go crazy because going from2-3 is hard they all want my attention and putting 2 on hold is hard but I want the challenge. I don't think I will ever know why but Ill always ask God why?

2010-09-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

When we left the hospital they did an echo in Ellinas heart and it looked better so out hope was that she was just having a hard time with being sick. But our heart specialist wanted to see her right away so we went down to Missoula and they did a full echo. The diagnoses is pulmonary stenosis, I would love to explain it but I still don't know much don't want to explain it wrong. Ill be getting more info soon. Any its bad enough that they feel we need to do a surgery, its pretty straightforward, done in Seattle. And is risky like any other surgery. He does feel that eventually Ellina cant thrive without this surgery so there really isnt a choice.
Tomorrow we go to Kalispell for Ellinas eye exam. yey, hopefully they wont say she need surgery for that too. but we will see. I really wish her eyes would develop already.
So I'm doing okay, I feel like the only way not to stress too much is be in denial and just say its no big deal. Just not thinking too hard yet. But prayers are always good and although the surgery is probably inevitable we can pray that ellina doesn't get sick cause that would make it allot worse

2010-09-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

So we decided to go home today, We went home on Thurs then stayed with my sister Gina till today, the idea was to stay in Kalispell closer to the bigger hospital but everyone in my family that had a place for us to stay over there, someone in the house was sick. The last thing that I want is to go back to the hospital and I really cant have Ellina getting sick with something else. although with 2 other kids in the household its probably inevvidable that she will catch something again I just pray that she gets strong enough to handle it. We have an appt with the heart Doctor on Mon in Missoula, yey for 3 1/2 hour drives. We have Ellinas eyes checked next Wed in Kalispell, thankfully a little less of a drive. Anyway we are going to be checking out the cemetery in Libby and hopefully figure it out so we can have a service for the girls soon. I hope I like the on here. I honestly didnt think I would be picky, turns out not every place is the same like I always thought

2010-09-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

So Ellina had another eye exam this morning, no real improvement but not any worse so that's a good thing. I guess she is right where they don't feel she needs surgery but she does need watched carefully one more step and she will need it. Ssoo they are letting me go home...again. yey! I'm so exited about getting to take care of all my kids again. And here's praying that she doesn't get sick again.

2010-09-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

So Ellina had her heart exam yesterday and eye exam. her heart is better, still not back to what is was but its our hope that it was just bad from her low blood count and sickness. Her eyes aren't better enough to make a difference so the doc wants to check again on Thurs and decide from there whether to do a laser surgery or not. So We are stuck here at the hospital till then.
We looked around at headstones and cemeteries also yesterday, I had no idea it would be so hard to find a place I liked. So far I don't like either baby land so now we are going to check into paying for a plot. When I told Cody I didn't think I would be that picky he said he knew I would be. Thankfully he set aside enough money to do what ever we need to. My problem with buying a plot is that then it seems that we should buy a family plot and I just don't feel ready for that losing my children is enough reality for awhile. Ive been doing allot more crying lately. I think it doesn't help that Ive had some nurses totally say the wrong things. First a nurse that is a twin mom said the "At least you have one" line, after a horrified look I said, "YES I am VERY thankful for Ellina" Of course I'm glad I have her but that is totally wrong for someone to say and I never expected that a mom of multiples would say it. This morning my nurse said all friendly like" Wow triplets, that really would have pushed you over the edge" I think she realized that it wasn't the right thing to say but too late. I just said what I always say. " we were very exited about it"

2010-09-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

So I have alot to update again, I have alot of thoughts but starting with Ellina, She went home was there for a week and then started acting sick, they were small signs but my other daughter Eliza had a cold so I was really watching for signs at the same time as trying to keep them apart. Finally I decided to take her in to the emergancy room cause she was starting to labor when breathing. After sitting in an exam room for hours at 3 in the morning they admitted her into the hospital and then transported us to Kalispell the next morning. Normally they would put a baby back in the NICU thats been to the outside world but the ped. referred her, Im guessing he didnt feel comfortable with a 38 weeker. at first the doc was sure Ellina had pneumonia but now looking at all her other exrays she isnt positive either way its viral and so her oxygen needs were higher and since she was already low on red blood cells it made it harder for her to fight. The last few days Ellina has been on anibiotics and finally yesterday had a blood transfusion. They took out her IV and all she want to day today is be held and cuddled. My feelings....? Its been very hard to be able to hve my baby home and then not only have her in intensive care but by a new nicu that sadly Ive had a really hard time with. I loved the open communication I had with my nurses in missoula and I felt very out of the loop here. When we got here they took an hour and a half to put an IV in. And she was hungry and they wanted to get in in first. Im trying to expept that its ok but its just emotional Im really not bashing anyone as far as an IV being hard to get in. They tell me I cant have her in the rm with me cause she needs to be watched carefully but my nurse one night sat in the other room on the computer and didnt even her her crying. (ok that was a bash) Finally I am doing better I let the doc know that my emotions are clouding my judgment so I need her to make the descions on how to treat Ellina etc. thats kinda hard cause I really dont agree with everything she does but I really want whats best for Ellina. Anyway wwe will probably be here at least over the weekend. Because Elina got sick it set her back enough that she may need an eye surgery and her heart also is having trouble there has always been a possibility that she would need surgery on her heart and now we are waiting till mon to see if its any better. Other then all of this with Ellina we are doing ok. We still are planning on doing a momorial service for Emmalin and Ellianna, I feel bad that we keep putting it off but at the same time we just havent had the time and although we really want to have one its something thats hard to do. I was singing to Ellina yesterday and thought that my Grandma Mary is probably holding my girls and singing to them too, she loved to do that with all babies. My newest thought is that if my twin that my mom lost early on in her pregnnacy with me was from ttts then she would be identical to me ...Shes probably making sure my grandma has help with them too.

2010-09-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, So allot has happened but so much that Ive been too busy to update. over the last few weeks we tried exclusively breastfeeding Ellina and she seemed to be doing well. Still gained every night only we began to notice she was gaining less and less, everything else was good and I was really just ready to bring her home. there was no doubt that she needed to go home on oxygen so they put her on the amount she would be on at home and took off her o2 sat monitor and had me just watch her color, I liked it cause it gave me the confidence that I could handle having her home. Anyway they decided to have me put her on some breast milk fortifier twice a day so still having to pump=/ but hey They let me bring her home! Its so nice to be home and actually be able to function semi normally. Now my constant worry is that she is going to get sick. My older daughter Eliza has a cold so I just try and keep Ellina away from all the kids. Its hard because I miss all my friends and most of them have kids, I hate leaving Ellina and I'm not supposed to bring her anywhere, even church. and here I was looking forward to being able to go back to my own church. Anyway its still so great having her home, I love to cuddle and nurse her anytime I want to. She is such a sweetie and I could stare at her for hours, I'm so thankful to have her and I just remind myself on the fact that her sisters look just like her up in heaven. My brother and I were discussing if they were grown up or still little babies. When I get to heaven will I be able to see them grow up again? I wish I could watch them get bigger. Im thankful that I can look at my little Ellina and know what her sisters look like and that I can shower her with 3 times the love

Ellina

2010-09-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

The NG tube is out and Ellina is breastfeeding only....she is rooming in with mom and needs to gain some weight and then she will be heading home.

2010-08-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

My little Ellina was put in an open crib today!!! She looks so big all dressed in clothes. They put her up to 4 breastfeeds a day, which is half her feedings. So far so good, we are starting to see the end of this nicu stay. I found my old sleepers from when I was a baby, I was born at 34 weeks, so I brought those to be the forst thing she wore. Im finding myself seeing the end and having to slow back down, Im normally pretty good about not pushing her too far or too much. Shes starting to really look like Eliza did as a newborn. I love how she is looking more and more like a baby and less like an "old man"=) not that she ever did just a little funny looking without any fat, right? Anyway, isnt she just gorgous? I know her sisters are looking just as pretty in heaven.

2010-08-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update on Ellina, She is doing very well. She started nursing 1-2 times a day and is doing very well with it, surprised us all.. She latched well and after the first few times she stayed latched. She has also always gotten plenty enough from nursing that we haven't had to feed her any more after she nurses. So that is just amazing and it makes me extremely proud of her. I also had the doctor come and tell me that that Ellina needs her shots, that's something that scares me to death that I'm gonna make the wrong choice. She is still so little and has no immunities so I don't see that she could fight off anything right now including a fever from a shot. But she also is able to get the deceases way easier too. I don't want to be stuck on an idea either way (shots or no shots) I just want to do whats right by my baby. Another thing we need prayer for is Ellinas eyes, her last 2 eye exams have showed some problems with the growth due from prematurity and oxygen therapy. She is in stage 1 in the left eye and stage 2 in her right. 2 weeks ago is h=when the problem showed up and yesterday they checked and its the same. They say the laser surgery isn't that big a deal but its still all so scary. Now to note my feelings at this point. I always have my good and bad days, it seems that Ive been having more bad lately. I wish I could just have a good cry but I'm not able to, I think I'm still out of tears. There are 3 sets of twins in the nicu right now and that's really not helping me with the bad days, I came to the conclusion that, who and I to judge who deserves what? And none of us deserve our kids just some of us are privileged while others have to experience something else. I never wanted to know what loosing my children felt like but now I hope that I can help someone else by that understanding. Ok so Im very thankful for the children I do have, I think that the blessing is I still have someone to love and to feel for otherwise I think this pain would have taken my feeling all away. Im good though and I know Im gonna make it through

bath time

2010-08-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Weight Gain

2010-08-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Ellina is 3 lbs 4 oz now!!!

2010-08-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Wow I just realin too long since I've said Ellinas weight, she is at 2 lbs 15oz. So one more ounce and she will be 3 lbs! shes been gaining very well. On Wed she will be at 33 weeks. Im exited cause at 34 weeks she can attempt to breastfeed, yey! Im trying not to get my hopes up but maybe she will do great, keep gaining weight and get to go home sooner. But I keep thinking that we will have to have some type of step back at some point. One of the babies in the NICU didnt make it, they said she never had strong lungs. Her mom was the only one I have gotten to know somewhat I wrote her a card and the hospital said they ould pass it on to her, its kinda made me revert to the mad stage again in the greiving process. Nothing is fair right, me and her we wanted our babies so bad and we fought hard. It makes me feel very helpless, it doesnt matter what we do how hard we pray what God wants to happen, happens I guess I need to learn to trust that God will help me through the hard times and yes that Hes taking perfect care of my little girls in heaven. I was listening to the Stephen Curtis Chapman song Heaven is the face.....So I thought I would try and put it on here cause it does state alot of my feelings. Anyway I sometimes feel bad for bringing people down, and keep being so centered on myself. So just so I dont bring everyone down, our pain isnt our only focus here. Many nurses and the Doctors agree that the reason the Ellina is such a great fighter is because of what she has gone through She is a very stroong baby. Ok so I have to get going to the NICU now.

2010-07-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today when I went to see Ellina I first of all gave her her first bath!It was great it made her hair all fluffy and it gave me a chance to carry her and really look at her, great bonding time. And the doctor had heard that I had some questions so she came over and went over the results of the echo that Ellina had yesterday. Ellinas heart looked great, they said the left side is what was thickened and therefore smaller making the other side inefficient..but yesterday the left side looked almost normal and the other side was working perfectly!! Very exiting. That was our biggest worry and with that being good we have very little to worry about right now. There is still so much unknown but right now we are all good. Oh yeah and in regards to her weight we decided to try this thing where I am just giving her hind milk, I pump, stop in the middle and dump that in Elizas bottle and give only the stuff I get after that to Ellina, so far she has gain 2 oz in 2 nights we are hoping that thats why.

2010-07-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

I asked the Doctor today if Ellina is too small, He laughed and said, What shes not small. Ok anyway he said he isnt worried at all about her weight and that she is doing great, she might be a little small but thats expected of multibles. yes her heart is using more calories, but shes fine and he isnt worried, Im not sure if Im will ask why the nurse told me otherwise but if I get her again Im not going to be too happy at this point since I havent gotten any other nurses that have told me something was wrong that the doc hadnt already told me.

frustration

2010-07-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so frustrated, Every time I go in I ask the nurse how ellinas doing and they say she is doing great, very well for her age. A few days ago I asked if I still could only hold her once a day or if we could make that 2. My nurse said she was looking like she would do fine with 2 times so lets just try it and see what happens. They took her pic line out yesterday and I was told that Ellina could get a bath 24 hours later, she kinda smells =). Any way this morning the they moved Ellinas bed down one so now her regular nurses are now switched to a different group. Her nurse this morning made a comment about why is she being held twice and when I asked about giving her a bath she looked like I was asking to endanger my child. I said its fine whatever. Then tonight I had a nurse Ive never had. Ellina has certain times that they call hands on time every 6 hours, every 3 hours she gets messed with a little but they really try not to more then every 6. So if I cant make it during those times I try to make sure and call. Well tonight Mom and I went to home depot and of course it took forever so I didn't get to the nicu till past 9. The nurse came over and started asking me questions like "What do you know about whats going on with her?" And "whats the plan do you know bout her feedings how many times do you hold her?" etc. I really felt like I was being attacked, and pit on the spot. I really don't want to put my baby under too much stress, She went on to explain lots of things I wasn't aware of so although I didn't feel that she approached me right at the same time she was saying that it seemed like I wasnt as well informed as I thought I was. Ellinas heart not only has a thickened wall it also has a problem where its not as efficient as it should be and doesn't open and close all the way. She went into great detail and at one point I thought I was gonna really freak out it just sounds so bad, she explained that most of the problems people can live with their entire life and not know it plus we don't know if it ll be better by the time she is full term. Also she lectured me that Ellina is already working so hard that holding her is too stressful, that I should hold once a day and only for an hour saying its just too stressful, yeah its important that she see and hear her mom so its important that I make sure to come in on her hands on time. I feel terrible that I cant be together enough to go over right on time and that I have so much other stuff going on, I miss my kids and my husband because I'm gone all the time but they consume enough of my time that I cant be on time for everything. I don't know with the holding thing cause obviously every nurse has a different opinion but this nurse made me feel like I should just leave and come back when shes all grown up. Also she said that Ellina is way too small for her age, she showed me the charts and its showing her in her 10th percentile if that. Kept saying that Ellina should be closer to 3 lbs. I'm scared I'm frustrated but at the same time I don't fall for it all. I'm hoping that I get one of my favorite nurses and I can see what her take is on it. I will visit with the doctor about it soon too. I know that everyones praying so I don't need to ask

2010-07-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

Ellina is up to 1lb 8oz! she looks so big to me, isn't that funny? Ill get some pictures again soon but its hard to see size very well from pictures. So Ellinas heart is still looking the same, they started her om some medication to help her to function a little better, her heart rate was running about 150-160 the medicine slows it down to around 130 so that it gives her heart more time to fill with blood. I am worried simply because every time Ive been told worse case scenario that's whats happened. I am really working on trusting God. I am doing alright most of the time, I saw twins in the nicu sharing a bed, it makes me sad and jealous but I of course would never want this to happen to anyone else. I just miss my baby girls alot. We went home for the weekend last weekend. It was good to see friends but really hard cause I had imagined the first time my husband and I would go home the whole time he was gone and I was expecting to be pregnant, instead I am not pregnant and the one baby I still have I had to leave in the hospital, she is mine but I cant have her yet. Anyway, its not all bad the Ronald McDonald house is a great thing to have here, we have a full kitchen to use and cooking and baking is great therapy for me, and I'm getting close to having enough things stocked to make food. I spend allot of time at the hospital and pumping so that doesn't leave me much time for the kitchen but I make it ok. Life goes on........

Pictures

2010-07-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

2010-06-27T21:41:00.001-07:00

Oh and Ellina is back to her birth weight! yey!

ellina

2010-06-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

yesterday the doctor asked if she could meet with both Cody and I; She started out just talking about how well Ellina is doing, for her age to be on a nasal cannula is amazing, no worries when it comes to breathing. But... yes we were just waiting for it. Ellinas heart, remember how Emmalin, baby A had a thickened outer edge on her heart? it made sense with the TTTS that it had been over worked, when Ellina had it that is what they thought also that it put stress on her when her sisters were lost. But now they are wondering, because they would have thought it would be gone by now or at least improved, it hasn't. Although the doctor is still saying it could be fine its something they want to watch very carefully. Because it could be something else like a congenital condition. No it isn't even close to for sure but if that is what it is it is bad. she said she would need a heart transplant and is not eligible for that for months. I am of course hoping and praying that is is just from the stress she was under being something that just needs time to resolve but as I keep saying now...let the worries begin.. again. I know Ellina is a fighter and that is where I get my hope that she will fight this too even if it is big

8 am- time to touch

2010-06-23T10:51:00.001-07:00

A Preemie can only be touched a few times a day. They need their life to be as much like the womb as possible. So they are kept in a covered isolate. The nurses try to keep their touching to 3 times a day. So this morning at 8 am is the 1st time of the day they will change diapers, and do their routine. I got up and rushed over so I could be involved.
She was awake and looking at me. I could hold her tiny, tiny little hand. At one point the nurse needed to change the bedding, so I picked her up so she could change it. She didn't feel like anything. She only weighs 1 lb 4 oz today. I think most books weigh more then that!
Mishael was able to hold her yesterday for the 1st time. She put her down her shirt and held her for 3 hours, kangaroo style. Mishael said her body heated up and the baby stayed nice and warm. So hopefully that will be a daily thing she can do.

Birth from Grandma Joyce's view

2010-06-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

You can see how tiny her hand is in this one.
She weighed 1 lb 6 oz at birth and has dropped to 1 lb 4 oz, but is coming back up now.

Mishael had been feeling early labor for a few days. It's hard to know when labor like that will turn into the real thing. The Doctor had said if she started labor they would not stop it.
On Thursday she was having some good contractions, but we asked the nurse to check the monitor to see if there was any regularity to them ( they are computerized here and can look back at all FHT's and ctx. any time) She said she had 17 ctx in the last 14 hours. Well, that's not as much as we thought, so we will wait and see.
I went back over to the Ronald Mc Donald house and ate some dinner, and Mishael called and said, I had another ctx. It was hard. Ok, I said, call me as soon as you have another one. I took a walk and she called again about 30 min later.
So I was getting ready to go back over when she called again and said are you coming? I rushed over to find her in the delivery room. The Dr had checked her and she was dialated only 2-3, but the bad of waters was funneling out of the cervix. This made her fluid level even lower then the already low figures of 4-5. But the Lord was keeping our little girl, as all throughout labor she never had any decels. They put Shell in a position with her head down, hoping for the fluid to go back in and with the remote hope that if the fluid did go back in the cervix that labor might possibly stop. With this hope still in mind of her labor stopping, it made coaching a little difficult. Besides for Mishael who is used to laboring being in any position she wants, in and out of water, very natural, etc. to laying in bed, tilted backwards, with IV, O2 monitor, baby and ctx. monitor, catheter, etc. it was different to say the least. We weren't sure to work with labor to get this done or try to stop it. It's a weird mind trip. Martha, Maria and Moriah were on their way, but still not there. Cody was not back yet, and knowing Mishael would only be holding one baby out of 3 made this was the hardest emotional birth. Mishael and I did a lot of crying during the labor. The nurse left us alone until I called her when Shell was feeling pushy after only 3 hours after her last call to me.
When the nurse picked up the sheet to check her we saw this horrible black fluid. It was not thick, but it was black and very weird. At the same time we had lost FHT's.
Mishael's pulse was 120 which made it very difficult to tell if we were getting mom's or baby's heart. Baby was 120 or was that mom? No one could tell. So they had a nurse come in with a doppler, she thought she got baby, but mom was 120 and baby 121??? We were doubtful. So she brought in an Ultrasound machine (waiting for Dr still, breathing through ctx, grandma thinking, lets stop looking for heart tones and push this baby out) They found the baby's heart on the Ultra sound machine and the nurse didn't want to say it out loud, so she pointed to the heart, It was not beating at all. She would look around again and come back to the same place. Point again at the heart. It was not beating at all! Mishael and I prayed, Oh Lord please don't let her loose this one too. Please Lord........
The nurse said to everyone (probably about 8 nurses in the room) "are you all agreed, we should just get this baby delivered?" Every one said yes, and I also said a loud yes.
So next ctx, Mishael pushed, when the ctx was over, we said keep pushing and she did. Our little Ellina was born and quickly handed to the NICU nurse (neither Dr was there still, the baby's Dr. heard that she was having a C section and ended up in the wrong spot in the hospital) The nurses were excellent. I was so impressed with their team work, know how and confidence. Everyone in the room thought we were delivering a baby that would need to be resuscitated or wouldn't make it, but before she was on the warmer table we heard a little noise, and the nurse said "she's respirating". Oh the relief and the tears. God breathed breath into our little sweet heart. Thank you Lord!
They immediately started working on Ellina and took her to the NICU. Mishael had to go back to the focus of delivering Ellianna and Emmalin. The Dr was there now and when Mishael said that she felt like pushing the Dr said "I trust your instincts". I wonder if he realized they should have listened to her earlier, LOL. The girls were delivered quickly. Both were born in their bag and it had to be broken. Their fluid was also black. 2 beautiful little girls. Since Ellina was in the NICU, Mishael and I enjoyed touching, holding our little angels.
Such a mixed, emotional, bitter sweet time.
Looking at the placenta and the very tiny fragile cords, it's a wonder that Ellina made it. She's a little fighter. The first time I went in to see her, she was waving her arms pushing off the Saran wrap ( they use saran wrap to keep the baby's warm). She would cry when someone would bug her. The Dr told me later that it usually is 2-3 weeks before they start crying like this.

2010-06-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

I know most everyone has seen the update that I had the babies last night, Baby Ellina Joy is our little surviver and is doing great so far, she is 1lb 6 oz and 13 1/2 inches she is breathing on her own! I actually went into labor and was allowed to have them naturally, something I am very thankful for. right before I started pushing we lost Ellina's heartbeat, the doctors werent there yet but the nurses agreed that I just needed to get pushing. I had her and she didnt look alive... it was scary I kept saying "I cant loose her too." But almost right away she took a breath all on her own! she even cried a little.

Cody will be home for good flying in tonite. Its going to be alot of descisions and its bittersweet, I will forever miss my 2 little girls Emmalin Mercy and Ellianna Hope. But I will thank God that He has given me Ellina. When Cody gets here tonite we will try to get some memories with both our angels Im not sure what we can hadle with holding them but I know we need to try. Thankyou everyone for your parayers and please keep praying for Ellina, that she will keep thriving and doing better everyday, a

Welcome to the world Ellina

2010-06-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

Ellina Joy Jelley was born last night at 1:30 am. She was delivered naturally, for which Mishael is very thankful for. She didn't want a C-section. Ellina is 1 lb 6 oz and is in the NICU. She is breathing with only the help of a CPAP although she may have to be intubated later. She is the smallest thing I've ever seen in the my life. The Dr says she is doing really well. We will try to get some pictures up soon. Cody had to go back to finish his training and is supposed to fly back into Kalispell tonight. Mishael was able to hold Ellianna also and she's even tinier. Her head is about the size of a hard boiled egg, she's about the size of a barbie doll. She was not able to hold Emmalin but the nurse attempted to get footprints and handprints so at least she'll have those.
Mishael is doing really well. We are staying at the Ronald McDonald house. The nurses and doctors are amazing. Looks like we'll all be in Missoula for a long time...
Thanks to everyone for all the encouraging thoughts, comments and prayers.

UPDate Ellina is doing really well. She even sucked some breast milk off a q-tip and they will give her some in her feeding tube every 12 hours. She is getting another chest xray and a scan of her brain to check for bleeds but everyone is very encouraged with how well she is doing. She tries to cry but its sounds like a little mouse squeak. She grips Mishael's hand with her tiny little fingers.

Her diaper is too big for her and its the same size as a cell phone!

Footprints of all the babies.

We have names!

2010-06-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

So we have names for the babies!
Emmalin Mercy is baby A; Ellianna Hope is baby C, and Ellina Joy is baby B.

Ellina is doing really good today. Her bio-physical profile came back technically at 6 out of 8, but the 2 points off was because of the low fluid. (5.2) Then the Dr actually found another pocket of fluid, so she actually had 8/8. It was nice to hear the Dr say "another good day". Today is 25 wks 1 day. They say each day is one week out of the NICU.
We are getting less decels with contractions now, but she did have one big long one last night.
The Dr says if we are getting those on a consistent basis we will deliver, but right now Ellina is better off inside then out.
Mishael does have contractions. Some are pretty good in strength. If labor begins, they will not stop it. If she goes into labor naturally, she actually could have a normal delivery, if Ellina's heart can handle contractions. We are pretty excited over the small chance.
We took a tour through the NICU today and saw the tinest babies. One was born at 13 oz! It's amazing. I was encouraged at how well those tiny, tiny babies do. Ellina already has an estimated weight of 1 lb 6 oz. So she will be plenty big. :)
Mishael is doing ok. Stressed, watching monitors, sad......I'm sure you can imagine. Over all she is amazing.
Cody should be flying back in tomorrow.

Waiting.....

2010-06-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

I just got back from spending a couple days with Mishael. She is waiting and praying that little tiny baby B can continue to hold her own every day. Today she is 25 weeks old and although her fluid levels are low, continues to kick and move very well and passed her bio-physical today.
She scared us on Monday and it almost like we were going to meet her in person, but she decided she needed to try to wait for her daddy....we are hoping.
Mishael is having some mild contractions as well that causing some discomfort as well as having to lay in bed except for very brief moments, is hard, as you are just waiting and watching it seems, expecting something to happen each minute.

Dresses for the babies made by Sarah Johnson

2010-06-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sarah is my ex-husband's sister but we have been adopted to eachother and are actually family now! Sarah sewed all these beautiful dresses for the babies.

Update from afar

2010-06-12T16:19:00.001-07:00

Eliza
I just took these pictures last week.

I'm over in Great Falls having a horrible time not being with Mishael. It goes against a mothers heart. Thankfully we have a big family and there are plenty of supportive people to take turns.
The news I heard this morning, is Baby B is doing a little better or at least not getting any worse. We have now hit the 48 hour mark which was very important. The Dr is saying it's very possible for our little sweet baby B to hang in there a few days or even weeks. Every day inside makes a huge difference of how well she will do when she is born. 24 weeks is very early, but every day the chances of her making it go up. They said she is doing so good that they might be able to let Mishael get off the monitors for a couple hours at a time. This would be good for Mishael to be able to get up and around a little.
Lots of hard decisions have to be made, so praying for wisdom and peace through all this.
They were able to get the family a room at Ronald McDonald house, which I hear is very nice.
Every one is taking turns being down there with them and watching children. Cody can stay at the hospital with Mishael. So glad Cody can be with her again.

Cody is here!

2010-06-11T13:57:00.000-07:00

Mishael is smiling again!

the next day

2010-06-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

Last night was rough. mishael's O2 levels continued to drop throughout the night. Baby was doing a little better but I was just really concerned about Mishael and knew something was really wrong. The dr just kept saying he wanted to wait. They kept doing tests but when her 02 would't stay up on 100% 02 mask she called Dr Utter. He came in at 4am and they did a CT scan to check for blood clots and shut off the Mg gtt. All her tests looked negative and by morning her 02 was better and she is mostly off the 02. They did another Ultrasound this am and no changes with baby B. She is still not doing good but at this point its better to keep her inside as long as Mishael is stable. Cody is arriving today at 1pm. Mishael is holding up well, she said shes waiting until Cody is here to fall apart. I went to the store and bought some blankets for the girls i wanted them to have something when they are born. Sarah is going to sew them some outfits to wear when they are born.

sad news

2010-06-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

Today I traveled to Missoula to b with Mishael for her ultrasound at 24 weeks. Mishael kept saying she was worried something was wrong but we just blew it off as Mishael being a worry-wart. We arrived at the office and Mishael said she didn't want everyone in there until she knew everything was ok so only Gina and I were in the room. Mishael has gotten quite experienced with ultrasounds and said she immediately saw there was no heartbeat for baby A then no heartbeat for baby c. baby b has a heartbeat...the US tech confirmed what we saw and immedialy got Dr Utter to come in. they arent sure what caused the deaths but they suspect twin-to-twin tranfusion. baby c has alot of fluid and A and B hardly any. They admitted Mishael to the hospital and had the neonatologist come talk about the risks of a baby being born at 24 wks. im writing this from my phone so its hard to type. They are giving her medications to help the baby's lungs develop and prevent brain anuerysms. they are monitoring the baby closely. she's not doing great but its a balancing act deciding when its better for hero be born or stay inside. At this point they are hoping for 2days at leas they may take the baby c-section. However, the chance of her doing well are not very good either way. The next problem is mishael developed some breathing problems and we're concerned about that. i have to go to sleep and can't type anymore on my phon eanymore. hopefully cody can fly home tomorrow. goodnite

pictures

2010-06-01T22:42:00.001-07:00

Gareth 3 and Eliza 8 months
Eliza
About 18 weeks along.

2010-05-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hi, So about my appointment yesterday. We ended up bring both kids with us and although it was exhausting they were actually pretty good. They didn't do any measurement today just Dopplers (looking at the heartbeats) and fluid checks. I didn't mind I just said" show me 3 heartbeats and Ill be fine" They did. The main things were that the side affects from TTTS are slowly going away, Baby As heart looks good and although its still showing that it was over used by all the blood it looks better then last time. and he is pretty sure still there is no defect. Baby C has a nice vi sable bladder and a good amount of fluid and the funny thing is last time baby B was breech and now she is head down, thats what all that movement was. Baby A was more on the right side and now Baby C has moved her head down more (she is still more transverse) so that Baby A is more in the middle of both babies it confused the doc enough that he had to measure heads to figure out who was who. And the whole time he is trying to talk Gareth is saying way too loudly "I see my sisters!" =) He ran around with a pic showing it to everyone "this is my sister" Although I don't plan on bringing him again for awhile It was a good experience for him. So we broke that pattern we had going on, every other apt has been bad and the yesterday was good too. I'm just thanking God for keeping my babies safe and putting me in the hands of such good doctors.

2010-05-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah to add, I decided instead of twin to twin transfusion the best way to say it is twin to twin to twin transfusion because it was between all 3 babies

2010-05-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Doctors apt tomorrow, every other apt hasn't been good, so I'm a little nervous but my biggest question now is the kids, Gareth has been having such a hard time with me leaving all the time but bringing them is going to be alot to handle in the apt when I'm laying on a bed and Nancy has to keep them happy and not getting into stuff. Does anyone know of a good/cheap babysitter in missoula? that would help alot so I wouldn't have to leave them for so long. I actually only bought bras and really cute expensive jeans at motherhood maternity and I spent too much if I had gotten all the shirts I wanted I would have spent triple what I ended up spending (funny how ill never look at the word triple the same ever again ha ha)

Doctors appointment today

2010-05-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I had my followup doctors appointment today, and I was so nervous. Its a Little over a week from my surgery and I feel Baby A move all the time but the over babies it seems very little, sometimes I get a kick right in the middle, and I all Who was that? So when we got to the apt I ask first off if there were heartbeats. Yes all 3 had nice strong heartbeats! All through the ultrasound I just got happier and thanked God more. all 3 had about the same amount of fluid. Baby C is still smaller but was growing just fine, the doc said she probably wont catch up till birth but as long as she keeps growing there is nothing to worry about. SO our last worry was Baby A's heart, so when the doc came he looked at that first. there is some outer wall thickening, which is because she was getting so much blood and it was trying the strengthen itself, just like all muscles when they are worked they get bigger, this is something that he said normally reverses itself given time and since she is no longer overworked. the other thing that the last ultrasound showed was what we call a hole in the heart. and today the doc said he is cautiously optimistic because he didn't see it at all. so as of today we are good! Then I went and spent Way too much a t motherhood maternity =) I don't know I still think I feel better but I just hate spending money. and I could have spent way more if I had gotten all those cute shirts that fit perfect but I don't need

2010-05-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah I am almost 20 weeks along!

2010-05-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hey this is Mishael, Just want to put a quick update since there is anything new. But
I have a doc appointment on Thurs and the following thurs for the next 4 weeks just to make sure the babies are doing well with everything. Ive been having some contractions but I dont think anything real thankfully, Im really ready to have my husband home. He comes home in 6 weeks.

Still looking good

2010-05-07T13:48:00.001-07:00

Mishael was a little worried since she wasn't feeling as much movement. So we took a visit to Dr C. who took a quick look at the babies. All 3 were moving all over the place and doing great! These girls keep us on our toes already!

Latest Update

2010-05-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

The day after the surgery Dr Paek did a follow-up ultrasound. The babies all are looking good and a little better. She is not having any cervical changes and no signs of pre-term labor. They did give her some medicine to take to stop labor if she has too many contractions. She will have a follow-up ultrasound in Missoula with Dr Utter weekly x 4 weeks following the surgery. They were impressed with how well Mishael's body is handling everything and how perfect her labwork, cervix etc. looked. Baby A has less fluid (the same amount she had after surgery after they took off 1600ml) and her heart function looks a little better. Baby C has more fluid and is now on the low end of normal instead of too low, she also had a small amount of fluid in her bladder (which is an indicator of how dehydrated she is--before she had none). Baby B also had more fluid so there must have been some transfusing going on with baby B also. She explained she found 2 large connections between baby A-C and 2 small ones between baby A-B and 3 between baby C-B. So there was a total of 7 connections. The doctor seems very optomistic about the surgery and now its a waiting game. They will do a follow-up echocardiogram on baby A probably about 21 weeks. We drove back from Seattle yesterday and arrived back home late last night.

Surgery is done

2010-05-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

Maria here again. I'm sitting in the hospital room with Mishael. Surgery went well, I got to be in the operating room and watch the whole procedure. We were able to see the the one of the baby's face's and hands etc. with the camera. It was amazing! The nurses and Doctors have all been absolutely wonderful. I have been extremely impressed with this hospital (coming from an opinionated nurse that's a good compliment!) Mishael's nurse told her that she had 2 of her babies at home too! :)
Anyway, Mishael was sorta freaked out about getting a spinal but after she got settled in she was able to relax a little and watch the surgery and ask questions. The surgeons (there were two of them) were great and explained things as they went. It took about 5 seconds to cauterize the large connections between baby A and baby C. Then they spent the rest of the time looking for connections between baby A and B and B and C. They found a few and cauterized them and also spent some time figuring out where the babies are connected to the placenta. They found that baby C doesn't have much placenta and may not be able to recover but its really hard to say and the Dr said there's no reason to believe she won't make it but there's always that possibility. They were able to disconnect all the babies completely from eachother so if for some reason one of them doesn't make it, it wouldn't affect the other ones. They also took 1600 ml of fluid off of baby A, so Mishael's stomach is a bit smaller now!
Mishael is resting in her room and Eliza is here too. They are family friendly and will allow her to stay in the room with Mishael.
That's all for now. If all goes well she will go home in the morning!

Update on Mishael

2010-05-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

This is Maria, I'm posting the latest on Mishael's triplets! I am in Seattle with Nancy (Mishael's Mother-in-law) and Mishael and Eliza. After wandering around a huge hospital trying to figure out where we were supposed to be we sat in a 4 hour long ultrasound appointment. The US tech was very knowledgeable and happy to show us what she was looking at and explain what things meant. Everyone that came in to talk to MIshael knew all about her case and had reviewed her charts etc. and seemed to know what they were talking about.
First, the US tech did a brief overview of all the babies to see where they were and make sure they had heartbeats. They all had good heartbeats above 130. Then she told us they are all girls!! Yay! Then she went back and spent about 45 min a piece on each baby, measuring specifics parts of the babies. She measured all their little blood vessels and arteries and got different views of their hearts and even measured specific bones.
Then the Dr came in and discussed the results and explained everything and answered questions. This is what we learned:

They are definitely identical triplets with one placenta. They have 3 vessel cords (which is better than 2). Two of them have Stage 3 Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome.

Baby A is the recipient and is getting more fluid (blood etc) than she should from baby C. Because of this, her body is in fluid overload and her little heart cannot handle all of the extra fluid. She is very active because she has so much fluid to move around in so she is hard to measure because she is constantly moving. Because of this, they couldn't' get all the views of her heart that they wanted to but they could tell the heart function was compromised. They are actually more worried about baby A than baby C because of the fluid overload. They also said there is a possibility baby A has a heart defect but will not be able to tell until the baby is bigger and they can do an echocardiogram and see more views of the heart. This would be a separate issue than Twin-to-Twin transfusion syndrome but the extra fluid would make it even harder for the baby's heart to function right in addition to a heart defect. Baby A measures with way too much fluid but as far as growth goes is 18 wks 5 days.
Baby B measures 18 wks 2 days and everything looks ok but her fluid is on the low end of normal so there's a possibility there's some transfusion going on there too. They will check the vessels during surgery and fix them if there is some shared vessels between baby B too so they wouldn't have to repeat the surgery later with baby B.

Baby C measures 17 wks, so not too far behind! However her fluid is way too low and she is very dehydrated and has nothing in her bladder and is showing signs of dehydration with the tests. However her bladder is still visible and her Heart seems to be functioning properly at this point.

As a result of these tests, the surgery will occur tomorrow morning. The procedure is done under spinal anesthesia and Mishael will be awake the whole time and can watch the whole procedure on the monitor. They will also put the surgery on a DVD and she can take it home and watch it afterwards! Cool huh? They will keep her in the hospital overnight to monitor for any bleeding or premature labor and then she will have a follow-up appointment on Wed morning and she can go home wed if everything looks good. The next two weeks will be the crucial time to see if the babies will do well with the procedure.

The Dr said the chances of losing the babies is 90% if she doesn't do surgery and the risk of losing the babies because of the invasive surgery is 10%. So the risk is worth it at this point. The Dr said she has only seen a few identical triplets before but surprisingly just did this same surgery on another set of identical triplets on Friday...So far so good, with those ones...

That's about all I can think of right now. I'll keep you updated after surgery tomorrow.

Maria

2010-04-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I'm going to start a little with yesterday. I had a quick prenatal with Julia which we don't draw any real conclusions from as this pregnancy requires more expertise but I like doing it and it lets us connect and look at the little things, blood pressure and measurements etc. I am at 18 weeks and I measured 33 centimeters! wow no wonder I've been feeling so big! anyway I noticed that I wasn't getting the movement that I had been getting on my left side and although the Doppler isn't that accurate with 3 heartbeats we tried anyway and were fairly sure that there was a heartbeat there and that set my mind somewhat at ease. So then I go to my ultra sound today and I found out why my baby isn't moving so much. OK again we have Babies A, B, and C turns out we have a case of twin to twin transfusion between Babies A and C the blood is not flowing correctly and Baby C isn't getting what it needs to grow in result baby A has a bunch more fluid and Baby C has almost nothing, making it sucked up against the side and it really cant move. The size was another big issue babies A and B are the right size.. 18 weeks and Baby C is 15 weeks in size. meaning that sense my last ultrasound baby C hasn't grown at all. So where do we go from here? we really don't have more then one option to go to Seattle and do a procedure than they try to laser the place where the 2 babies blood flow connects they say that there are allot of successes with this and our only other option is do nothing which could make us loose at least the 2 babies. anyway i will know more soon don't know when Ill have time for updates but please everyone. Pray I know God can do anything so we will see where He wants to bring us

2010-04-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

this is baby B

A and C's heads and B's stomach

By the way we have decided to wait till my husband get back in July to find out the sexes just something we can do together. And yes we both are very exited the way we look at it is God doesnt bless many people with 3 kids at once but He did us so we jsut thank Him for that

My last ultrasound

2010-04-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

so its been 3 weeks sense my last ultrasound and I finally found the time to post what happened sorry it took so long. Anyway when we started my first question was are all 3 babies alive? when I saw movement everywhere I was temporarily satisfied and I let the ultrasound tech do her thing with measuring etc and just prayed that the news would either be the same on baby A or better I just cant handle worse news right? The night before the ultrasound my husbands cousin whom had miscarried a twin lost her second baby at 16 weeks. her mom, is Nancy and she takes me to all my appointments along with my mom, kind of as an acting mother in law for me (but not a scary one=) anyway so we were a little more on edge and really praying for good news. WE tried asking the ultrasound tech how baby A looked and she didn't really feel comfortable saying she said she would let the doctor look and tell us but she did show us baby A's heartbeat just to be reassuring. When the doctor came in he let us know right away the little bit of fluid under baby A;s skin was so minimal that it really wasn't worth mentioning Wow although I still pray every day for my 3 little ones I also thank God that He has taken care of my little baby A

baby A

2010-03-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

So as the pregnant mom I guess I'm the one that has to write this. What Moriah didnt say about the last ultrasound cause last I talked to her it was too hard for me to talk about it. We have 3 babies, Babies A, B, and C all the babies have strong heart beats are the same size and yes the doctor was pretty sure there is only one placenta, I am still hoping he is wrong cause of the risks that go with that. But my little baby A has a problem, they are calling it hydrops which means that there is fluid under its skin. It is too early really to know what is and we probably wont know till 18 -20 weeks, (Im at 14 weeks right now) But I just keep praying.

Ultrasound

2010-03-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

So...Mishael has been too busy and tired to put her ultrasound pictures on here but I thought I'd write a little note about the last ultrasound. There are definitely three babies in three separate sacks but probably all sharing one placenta. This means that they are all three IDENTICAL... rather TRI-dentical!!! One egg split, first in half and then one half split again. So she'll be having either three boys or three girls. Since girls seem to be pretty rare in our family....I think it'll be boys.
This is very very rare, the specialist says he has never had a set of identical triplets! The odds are somewhere in the 200 million to 1. Apparently, it is such a rare thing that there really is no way to pinpoint the odds.

The downside of one placenta is that it also increases the risks of things like triplet to triplet transfusion among other things. Until they are a little further along, it's hard to tell for sure if there are any problems. The goal is to stay pregnant as long as you can. Keep her and her family in your prayers!!

Mom of triplets point of view

2010-02-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

This ultrasound was such a relief for some reason I was worried that there was only gonna be one! Nope, three nice heartbeats and they looked so much bigger! Now I'm having a hard time with doctors vs midwives especially sense I like my mom to be in charge. Cody said he is exited still about where I am "How did this happen again????" I still have that go through my head quite often=) So far I feel a little farther along but at the same time sick and tired like first trimester norm

9 weeks

2010-02-26T21:48:00.000-08:00

Our little babies are growing! 3 little heart beats.
It's amazing how fast baby's grow in just 2 weeks.
Last time we saw what looked like a little piece of rice with a head and a beating heart. This time it was a chubby little baby. 3 of them very clear!
The good news is that each of them have their own sac. This is much safer since cords will not get tangled.
It is probably one set of identical twins and one single. But it's not possible to know for sure. It depends when the egg splits, if they will have their own sac and placenta. Hope it's 3 little girls.

Her next appointment is with a specialist in Kalispell. I bet there is going to be a crowd in the room. I suppose these people are going to have to get used to large families.
Mishael is already really missing "normal" fun, relaxed prenatals. So different in a Dr's office then at a birth center.

The day we found out

2010-02-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

Ever since early Jan. Mishael kept saying she felt pregnant. Eliza was 4 only months old, so of course we were saying, "no, your just tried, or it's just hormones", etc. She was fine with having the next one close together but wasn't in a hurry to take a pregnancy test.
Feb 6th, I wanted Mishael to take a walk with me and she said "I just don't feel good, I'm so nauseated". I said you'll feel better after you walk, but she didn't. That night she was really nauseated, and the next day was sick again. She had to go to the Dr for Eliza's well baby check and the Dr suggested a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE!! The weekend before the kids were all joking and sent a text that she was pregnant....and it was actually true!! She was very excited. Her husband, Cody just left for basic training in the National Guard but she was able to get word to him of the news.
Since she wasn't sure how far along she was she scheduled an ultrasound for Thursday.
On Wednesday, the night before the ultrasound, Mishael had a dream that she was having triplets and they didn't know if there was more. She also dreamed she was due on Sept 30th.
So we, Mom, Mishael, Nancy, Karen were all watching the ultra sound while my midwife friend Sherry was operating the ultrasound wand. Almost right away Sherry says "oh", and Dr Camber says "give me that". My thoughts went from, is it twins, to maybe it's a tumor, or ........ It's always a little nerve racking when you hear the doctor say anything unusual during an ultrasound!!! Finally Dr Camber says it's twins. Mishael right away says, "can I still have a home birth", I say "maybe, it depends." A lot more was said, about how they are fraternal twins, two separate sacks, two separate placentas, etc. We told the Dr. "Mishael dreamed she was having triplets can you look for more?" Sure enough there was another! 3 little tiny heart beats! "I guess you can't have a home birth Shell"
We were in shock the whole day. Mishael was shaky and freaked! Everything is running through her mind; she needs a bigger house, has to get a minivan, what is she going to do about nursing Eliza, lots of names, lots of clothes.....
Dr Camber began to talk about having to have C section, high and low risk situations.
We go back in 2 weeks for another ultra sound to find out if the identical twins each have separate sacks. It looks like there were fraternal twins and one egg split into identical twins.

She was finally able to get the news to Cody who needless to say is feeling shocked and like he wants to be home to take care of everybody. Mishael has Gareth who just turned 3 and Eliza who is now 5 months.

Ultrasound coming up next week!!!