Today when I went to see Ellina I first of all gave her her first bath!It was great it made her hair all fluffy and it gave me a chance to carry her and really look at her, great bonding time. And the doctor had heard that I had some questions so she came over and went over the results of the echo that Ellina had yesterday. Ellinas heart looked great, they said the left side is what was thickened and therefore smaller making the other side inefficient..but yesterday the left side looked almost normal and the other side was working perfectly!! Very exiting. That was our biggest worry and with that being good we have very little to worry about right now. There is still so much unknown but right now we are all good. Oh yeah and in regards to her weight we decided to try this thing where I am just giving her hind milk, I pump, stop in the middle and dump that in Elizas bottle and give only the stuff I get after that to Ellina, so far she has gain 2 oz in 2 nights we are hoping that thats why.

I asked the Doctor today if Ellina is too small, He laughed and said, What shes not small. Ok anyway he said he isnt worried at all about her weight and that she is doing great, she might be a little small but thats expected of multibles. yes her heart is using more calories, but shes fine and he isnt worried, Im not sure if Im will ask why the nurse told me otherwise but if I get her again Im not going to be too happy at this point since I havent gotten any other nurses that have told me something was wrong that the doc hadnt already told me.

frustration

I'm so frustrated, Every time I go in I ask the nurse how ellinas doing and they say she is doing great, very well for her age. A few days ago I asked if I still could only hold her once a day or if we could make that 2. My nurse said she was looking like she would do fine with 2 times so lets just try it and see what happens. They took her pic line out yesterday and I was told that Ellina could get a bath 24 hours later, she kinda smells =). Any way this morning the they moved Ellinas bed down one so now her regular nurses are now switched to a different group. Her nurse this morning made a comment about why is she being held twice and when I asked about giving her a bath she looked like I was asking to endanger my child. I said its fine whatever. Then tonight I had a nurse Ive never had. Ellina has certain times that they call hands on time every 6 hours, every 3 hours she gets messed with a little but they really try not to more then every 6. So if I cant make it during those times I try to make sure and call. Well tonight Mom and I went to home depot and of course it took forever so I didn't get to the nicu till past 9. The nurse came over and started asking me questions like "What do you know about whats going on with her?" And "whats the plan do you know bout her feedings how many times do you hold her?" etc. I really felt like I was being attacked, and pit on the spot. I really don't want to put my baby under too much stress, She went on to explain lots of things I wasn't aware of so although I didn't feel that she approached me right at the same time she was saying that it seemed like I wasnt as well informed as I thought I was. Ellinas heart not only has a thickened wall it also has a problem where its not as efficient as it should be and doesn't open and close all the way. She went into great detail and at one point I thought I was gonna really freak out it just sounds so bad, she explained that most of the problems people can live with their entire life and not know it plus we don't know if it ll be better by the time she is full term. Also she lectured me that Ellina is already working so hard that holding her is too stressful, that I should hold once a day and only for an hour saying its just too stressful, yeah its important that she see and hear her mom so its important that I make sure to come in on her hands on time. I feel terrible that I cant be together enough to go over right on time and that I have so much other stuff going on, I miss my kids and my husband because I'm gone all the time but they consume enough of my time that I cant be on time for everything. I don't know with the holding thing cause obviously every nurse has a different opinion but this nurse made me feel like I should just leave and come back when shes all grown up. Also she said that Ellina is way too small for her age, she showed me the charts and its showing her in her 10th percentile if that. Kept saying that Ellina should be closer to 3 lbs. I'm scared I'm frustrated but at the same time I don't fall for it all. I'm hoping that I get one of my favorite nurses and I can see what her take is on it. I will visit with the doctor about it soon too. I know that everyones praying so I don't need to ask

Ellina is up to 1lb 8oz! she looks so big to me, isn't that funny? Ill get some pictures again soon but its hard to see size very well from pictures. So Ellinas heart is still looking the same, they started her om some medication to help her to function a little better, her heart rate was running about 150-160 the medicine slows it down to around 130 so that it gives her heart more time to fill with blood. I am worried simply because every time Ive been told worse case scenario that's whats happened. I am really working on trusting God. I am doing alright most of the time, I saw twins in the nicu sharing a bed, it makes me sad and jealous but I of course would never want this to happen to anyone else. I just miss my baby girls alot. We went home for the weekend last weekend. It was good to see friends but really hard cause I had imagined the first time my husband and I would go home the whole time he was gone and I was expecting to be pregnant, instead I am not pregnant and the one baby I still have I had to leave in the hospital, she is mine but I cant have her yet. Anyway, its not all bad the Ronald McDonald house is a great thing to have here, we have a full kitchen to use and cooking and baking is great therapy for me, and I'm getting close to having enough things stocked to make food. I spend allot of time at the hospital and pumping so that doesn't leave me much time for the kitchen but I make it ok. Life goes on........

Pictures