Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What a day! To start with I finally got Cody talked into going to the doctor to see if he can get something antidepressants or something. He has just really been struggling with everything and I honestly feel like he is just depressed, the kids drive him crazy when they talk and he sleeps allot. I kept asking him if he wanted me to go with him and he said no, so with the risk that he would go to the doctor and say I'm fine, I well agreed to let him go by himself, come on I would have had to find a babysitter for the little girls and get up super early to go to town with him. So anyway Cody called me after his apt and says that the doctor gave him a 2 weeks perspiration and wants to see him right after that to see how hes doing but really feels that Cody should go to counselling and because it wasn't coming from me Cody agreed with him! Its funny that I'm exited but honestly I love my husband so much and I cant handle him being this way we are both such a mess but have such a different way of dealing with it. I tend to spend way to much time on the computer talking to other TTTS moms.

Anyway I just got off the phone and the phone rings.... Ok I guess I have to tell you a little more first to explain. back in June we decided to have our baby angels cremated because we couldn't get a funeral together we couldn't get anything together it took me forever to call the funeral home and tell them and thankfully they set a time for us to sign papers or we would have taken way longer, this isn't something I thought I would do and it makes me feel like such a terrible parent for not getting right on it and taking care of all my babies but I do honestly believe that they are in heaven and so their bodies are just that, bodies. So they told us it would be a little over a week before we could pick up their ashes. when the time came that we knew that they were ready for us we couldn't bring ourselves to go back to the funeral home. Ellina was still in the NICU and we were really consumed by her. Then when we got home I planned on picking them up when I went down to Missoula for appointments. It just didnt happen (again I feel terrible) come on its been 7 months! that's just excessive. So the other night I decided I would e-mail them and have the girls ashes sent to me. when it is late I am emotional and seem to be able to know exactly what to do, if I think Ill do it in the morning it doesn't always happen. Well Ive been waiting for a reply and not getting any. So today, I get this phone call, its the funeral home he said he just saw my e-mail and says I'm holding the urn right now. I had to stop for a second because I picture my little babies. He said no problem that I had waited and he would have it mailed right away. I got off the phone and well I just miss my girls I'm glad I will finally have their urn with me and now I need to find a nice urn for them and eventually have them buried at the cemetery.

We decided to do a small memorial service for them along with a baby shower for Ellina, we wanted to have both right away but Ellina wasn't able to be going out allot for quite awhile and now she will do fine if anyone would like to get her anything I am registered a little at both Walmart and Target

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