So Ellina had her heart exam yesterday and eye exam. her heart is better, still not back to what is was but its our hope that it was just bad from her low blood count and sickness. Her eyes aren't better enough to make a difference so the doc wants to check again on Thurs and decide from there whether to do a laser surgery or not. So We are stuck here at the hospital till then.
We looked around at headstones and cemeteries also yesterday, I had no idea it would be so hard to find a place I liked. So far I don't like either baby land so now we are going to check into paying for a plot. When I told Cody I didn't think I would be that picky he said he knew I would be. Thankfully he set aside enough money to do what ever we need to. My problem with buying a plot is that then it seems that we should buy a family plot and I just don't feel ready for that losing my children is enough reality for awhile. Ive been doing allot more crying lately. I think it doesn't help that Ive had some nurses totally say the wrong things. First a nurse that is a twin mom said the "At least you have one" line, after a horrified look I said, "YES I am VERY thankful for Ellina" Of course I'm glad I have her but that is totally wrong for someone to say and I never expected that a mom of multiples would say it. This morning my nurse said all friendly like" Wow triplets, that really would have pushed you over the edge" I think she realized that it wasn't the right thing to say but too late. I just said what I always say. " we were very exited about it"
I am sorry! I think people don't think sometimes until it is too late and are trying to find the right words, and their curiosity gets the best of them. I still think you could have said "Well, can i have one of yours then? you would still have one. Be thankful for that."
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, I got similar comments and still do. I still get a lot of comments saying how God knew I couldn't handle three... I think medical personell could use some classes on how NOT to speak to mothers who have lost babies...A simple "I'm thinking of you", or "I'm sorry" is best!
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard finding the right place for your 2 daughters. When Logan died I felt drawn to a particular place for him. I also decided that he needs a upright headstone for all to see. I wanted it to big big and grand and he was worth whatever the cost was. I had amazing things happen when he passed. 1st office his funeral was $5000 and that is half the price of an adult. The funeral home knew we were short on cash and was trying to talk us into a simple grave side memorial. I didn't care I was willing to max out every credit card etc. to pay for it. The day before the service when we had to pay a stanger who read about him in the news paper. Paid the entire bill. To this day we still do not know who this wonderful God sent persin was. I was told he was a widow that lost his wife recently and that he read Logan's obituary and felt on his heart that it is what his wife would have wanted him to do.
ReplyDeleteHeadstone wise. I looked all over my area for ideas for the perfect headstone for him. I evenutally came across a guy that has a computer program that custom designs them with whatever you want on them. He had a stone on his lot that just stood out and seemed perfect. The stone was marked $2,750 he sold us the stone for $2500 and that included whatever we wanted. He also included the price of the custom lazor picture of his face. We had nearly $2000 in donations for his headstone and paid little out of pocket.
Another amazing thing that happened out of all the bad is that the day I came home from the hospital and added them to my health insurance while they were still in the NICU I also put them on my life insurance. I was told my the funeral home that in 20 years he had worked in that business he never seen an insurance company pay out on a claim when the policy was less than a year old esp on a child that was born critically ill. A few weeks after his funeral there was a $15,000 check in the mail.
Though money in no way fills the void that never goes away, it allowed me to improve the lives of his brothers and the family. I put money away for his brother and sisters and it also allowed me to rip out all the nasty carpets in my house and put laminate wood floors to improve the air quality for the boys and their premature lungs.
You will find the right place and when you find it you will know it. I also worried about not buying a family plot when I picked his resting place. I chose a place that has alot of plots left around him 2 on each side of him and 4 in front of him. We did not have the money at the time to buy extra plots and I still have not. I plan to buy atleast 2 soon just incase. You never know when your last day will be.
I've had a lot of people that heard my story make comments like "atleast you still have 2 etc...It was for the better you would not have been able to take care of a trached baby with a cerebal palsy baby" "God knew you could not have handled 2 handicap children" This may be true, but I certainly handled 1 handicap child, 1 "normal" child and a very sick baby in the hospital for 6 months and 12 day on top of a 3 year old, a crazy husband, and my job. Through all of it we stayed afloat. God show his grace in some many was during such a very painful time.
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